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Amassing Knowledge; Emerging in Wisdom

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Amassing knowledge is a “yang” process.

Emerging in wisdom is “yin.”

I remember a time in life when I decided to divest myself of my scriptural library. My life is a series of experiments. I decided to make my moment-to-moment, here–now experiences living scripture. However I would not write it and would forget the expired experiences in readiness for the frequent “spiritual” experiences I became sure were an ongoing birthright. When I began to notice those scriptural like experiences hadn’t been happening for a time, I would look inside to see where I was out of coherence. I had learned the experiences are always there, always available when I am showing up. The question was whether I was showing up.

I am an essential part of Oneness. So is everyone else. We’re all equally important too! The most important thing we will ever be is that without any one of us, Oneness would be incomplete. If Oneness is incomplete then I am incomplete so I need all of Existence to be. If separation were real, if stratification of importance were real, Oneness would cease to be. The importance I give myself I remind myself is the importance of every individual expression of Oneness. My ego isn’t happy with that, but I know from practicing with watching/witnessing awareness. My ego insists I’m more special and important because I’ve come very far in this lifetime. If I’d degenerated throughout this lifetime I’d be at the same level of importance as now, the same level of importance shared by all. Did I mention my ego isn’t happy with this?

I was once a scriptorian. I knew when someone was spewing nonsense when they said something like “the bible says…” and they were parroting something they’d heard and it was very evident they didn’t find out for themselves. Confucius was a real person historians tracked well. He was an exceptional politician who set a very different example. See! I’ve amassed some knowledge. However much of what “Confucius says…” is just fanciful verbiage.

I learned everything I wanted to. I forgot more information than I’m able to recall. My treasury of information was just discreet enough to filter out most of it. But I put in the effort amass knowledge. For a long time I operated under the assumption the knowledge would reach a critical mass and save me. I had a lot of other ideas of how it would increase my importance and gain admiration. As a know-too-much (accurate version of know-it-all) people found ways to excuse themselves to do something truly important like sit in silence. I was active. I pursued. With drive and ambition I learned. I went through what I believed and if I was believing in what I wanted to believe in that didn’t have basis in fact, I jettisoned it in hope no one noticed.

It was very active, very yang. I could force wisdom into being! All I had to do was hit that critical mass of knowledge and whoosh it would be mine!

The yin aspect was being ignored but she will always be part of the balance. She is in yang as yang is in her. The goddess aspect of godliness waited as I wailed about in contortions of imbalance. She’d seen this before. Nothing would near completion until the balance was approached.

I always wished my father had been a man of wisdom at who’s feet I could sit and whom I could look up to. That was because that was the opposite of my father. So I thought I could be that for my kids and they’d be as I thought I would be at the feet of wisdom. They didn’t care. Eventually I realized if I were going to get the wisdom I longed for, it would be within me. My ego says “Great! Now I’ll be more important!” But the wisdom was only recognizable for me. So I was satisfied for the wisdom I longed to sit at the feet of was within. There was plenty of clear space around my feet.

I wondered if I were becoming wise. It wasn’t what I imagined it would be. It wasn’t measuring up to my ambitions for wisdom. In fact I don’t remember answering the door when wisdom came.

It wasn’t until I removed the doors, and the windows, and the roof and the walls that I was open and receptive. The last of the yang expectations waited confident all the conditions were met for wisdom to arrive. But ego noticed there was no arrival.

Being open and receptive there was a lot to notice I wasn’t aware of before. I distracted myself with following butterflies and the wonders of the crawly things. I noticed smells and textures. I marveled at the big and the small. I ebbed and flowed, waxed and waned. I sat. I skipped and ran. I rolled among everything on the ground. I forgot wisdom. It wasn’t important…not more important than playing in wonderland.

Slowly I began to realize moments when wisdom was enlightening my moments. Then I realized I had not noticed it happening for awhile, longer than I could remember. And she showed me the wonder of atoms and energy all connected to me and my importance and theirs being shared. She showed me the micro and I saw the macro. She opened my understanding to wherever my consciousness would go. I understood I was wise. I understood wisdom isn’t exceptional. It is within us. We just hide it well.

 

 

 

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