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As I Expand in Awareness of Myself

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At first it would seem correct to say the more I am secure with knowing and accepting myself, the less trouble I have with accepting others. There is truth in it for me and perhaps it applies for others too.

But what is it to be knowing and accepting myself? Is it possible to consider myself without considering how much I am staying in consciousness of moment; in consciousness of Oneness which is certainly there when I am present in moment?

So as I get to know myself as a unique expression of Oneness, an individuality, it would seem I would become more self-absorbed, more the center of my universe, more selfish. I have been programmed to believe this is the case.

I was in religion that was basically horrified at the suggestion of a godless society. The reason for this is that god was created with its opposite: devil. Heaven was created with its opposite: Hell. Those who are terrified at the possibility of not having god influence are thinking without god, devil will have complete freedom to be the only influence. The reality is that a godless society is also a devil-less society. The devil was made to compliment the god. They are a package together. Eliminate one and the other is eliminated also. They are just fictions but they have energetic essence, a holographic existence because of the energy which is put into belief in them. Take away the energy of belief in them and any seeming reality to their existence evaporates to no semblance of reality at all!

So pondering myself without the fictitious god and devil gives me freedom to ponder what is now, what is here, that which exists, moment without obstruction of belief in that which has holographic essence at best.

In moment, without language which also is that which story exists from, is awareness. Then I cannot divide self from Oneness for in the thought of division I have left moment awareness for something else. I cannot be divided from Oneness and stay in moment…in eternity…in that which is. Even taking time to use language to communicate about and create possible motivation for others to spend time in here—now, I am questioning if I am departing from moment…visiting moment…departing from moment…visiting moment, etc. in the process of taking a reality check in moment then going into language to write about moment.

It might be useful. Language has been a vehicle that has indicated something for me to explore although it could not create it, it could only indicate about it for me to break free of language and explore being. I wonder if I am robbing myself by this subtle departure from moment.

So what is happening? Since 1991 I have done a process with myself. At first I would sit in the morning and evening traffic jams on the freeways in and around Seattle, WA, USA. I would ponder all the cooperation it took to create all the automobiles around me, the highway, the structures, whatever I was seeing. Then I pondered every person I saw as an aspect of myself, an expression of me, experiencing different life possibilities as I do, but part of me doing so.

Then I looked at the people as I traveled who lived in ways I didn’t want for myself. I looked at the homeless and thought to myself, there is another part of me exploring life in a way I am afraid to explore. I felt gratitude welling up in me for that person exploring what I was fearful of. I watched gays being affectionate with each other in public. There were more aspects of me exploring what wasn’t something I felt to explore, and gratitude arose in me. From there it expanded.

I am not at all perfect in this but what has been happening is I sometimes find moments to honor those of lesser status in society and those of upper status I cannot grant more adoration than equality with myself, with those who are in lesser status. Each are only aspects of oneness playing out different roles, different possibilities in the play of life. Otherwise each are individual expressions of the same Oneness I am.

I cannot be in moment and divide. I thought I could. I cannot be in moment and use language about moment, I thought I was in moment as stories with language played in my head. Now I know I was on my way, but not arriving.

Still I am an infrequent visitor with moment and I know it. I know what it is like being in moment…really being there, and I know when I am not. I am an infrequent visitor learning the difference through noticing how it is when I am being and when I am not being. It isn’t that I cease to be or anyone else ceases to be, it is that we separate ourselves from being and carry all kinds of stories about why we are more by not being.

Moment is still where we are. It is impossible not to be. But do we know it? Are we in dream state? Are we in fictions of separation?

God is representative of supreme ego and is so because of the ego of devil. It is the model of ego for our individual ego. They are separations from us and they are more powerful and superior to us. They can cause us to be what they will, not what we think we would otherwise choose. If the gods and devils are separate and we are less than they, we are helpless to explore ourselves rising in our consciousness to remembering who we were in the beginning—Oneness, who we thought we could separate from—Oneness, and who we are in eternity. Here—now, moment is eternal. Right now we are in eternity. It is not a future possibility or something that began at some moment as a separation from something, from anything at all.

I can be in moment but only Oneness is and I am complete in moment because Oneness is complete. To try to speak of it with language in any form is departure, is separate. Yet in our dream states of separation without being, perhaps it is useful for us to use language to disturb the sleep to initiate desire to be present in moment.

Love is the essence of Oneness, the energy that is Oneness, completeness. Love is the healer because Love is of the completeness, the wholeness, the state of being which reminds the energies of separation with all the difficulties of separation to be in truth. Love is the state of truth unfolding. Less than truth is departure from Oneness awareness where energy is distorted according to the energy we put out as divine creators. Chaos is the energetic pattern of less than Love, less than truth, less than being our true selves.

The amazing thing is that all that is required to visit Love, to visit truth, to visit wholeness, is simply being in moment.

Why am I in deviation from moment? That is not a simple matter at all. However it has only a holographic essence, if it has any essence at all. Love does not invade, it does not overcome. It awaits opening where it is simply realized. Truth does not invade, it does not battle, it does not have enemies to overcome. It simply is there in the absence of what is not truth. Being awaits us too. When we leave opening from all of our non-being we simply are.

 

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